Becoming BGD

misteressex's Avatar


15 Feb, 2011 12:35 AM

First we start with the brown nosing. I love this website more than my own dog and find it to be one of the more enertaining media outlets out there. With that said I have a story that I think would benefit both Funny Or Die and aid in my hopes of one day being able to legitimately make it rain in a gentleman's club rather then being tossed out for trying to tip with my EBT card.

Imagine waking up to a world of hope and possibilities that you never thought existed. Sleepwalking through life, one morning your eyes open and the sorrow you’ve spent your existence wallowing in is suddenly gone. This happened once to an absurdly gay young man named Darrin. Along with his newfound zeal came a inconceivably hormonal and undersized boyfriend named Squirt, an adopted 40-year-old Micronesian son they called the Cocoa Man, a volatile Table Games Professor known throughout the Midwest as The Peanut, and a jilted ex who goes by the prison moniker Sweet Mouth Mike and who threatens to eradicate the entire city by tainting a popular energy drink with a mouth corroding drug. Darrin, or BGD as he comes to be known, must look deep within himself to save the city he loves and protect those closest to him from Sweet Mouth’s uncompromising wrath. This story is one of discovery and love mixed with some what juvenile humor and a healthy dose of hi jinx. BGD’s lifelong quest for his place in this world has led him to discover that while it isn’t easy being a gay teen in today’s society, it’s really tough trying to be a gay teen superhero amidst the status quo's current format. With a target audience between 18-34 and appeal reminiscent of popular films such as Step-Brothers and The Hangover, his tale draws the reader in with witty banter and a relatable lead character. Darrin’s experiences inspire hysterical laughter, jaw-dropping shock, and yes, even a tear or two.

The way I understand it, traditionally, his is the part of my plea where I brag about what I’ve accomplished as an author.

....... um, yeah......

I've accomplished absolutely nothing thus far. I love to write and to create and make people laugh. This novel, if given ample opportunity, will capture readers and has the potential to transition into other forms of media. I believe in this story and the fact that everyone loves a comedy. The market for wildly shocking comedy is hot and highly profitable today and this particular comedy is unlike anything else available. The entire manuscript or a portion of it is available upon request. The thought that I had in regards to your site would be maybe a weekly comic strip based on my story or even a series of shorts. An artist would needed as I can't even finger paint all that well but the story is solid and has been well received by literary agents though the raunchy humor puts them off a bit. I will send along the first chapter for your review at your convenience.

I'm just looking for an opportunity and I feel there is a great deal of motorboating potential here.

Should you decline I would appreciate any words of wisdom you may be able to offer me as I want badly to become a published author or just get my stuff out there in some sort of forum. Again, I enjoy what you do and your website's content and will continue to do so regardless of whether I hear back from you or not. I appreciate your time.

Matthew Essex
[email blocked]

  1. Support Staff 1 Posted by jokey360 on 15 Feb, 2011 12:52 AM

    jokey360's Avatar

    Thanks for sharing, but we don't accept unsolicited scripts or ideas. The only way to get us to see your ideas is if you film them (or write a story) and upload them to the site (click the "Upload" link on the upper right-hand side of any page on If they're good, we'll wind up seeing them!


  2. jokey360 closed this discussion on 15 Feb, 2011 12:52 AM.

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